Before the pandemic, Baby Weight (Cara Eser) and Worthy (Kristy) had established themselves within the American dance community as sonic forces. Esser’s blend of bouncy tech house and ability to make pop-leaning vocals still sound underground put her on a path to national headlining status. The DC native was gaining a national following and had cosigns from lauded house acts like Walker & Royce and Shiba San. 
 

Worthy was already a well-established house icon. The San Francisco-based artist and Dirtybird co-founder was an architect of the nu-school West Coast house sound. Her label Anabatic had long been a breeding ground for the future of underground dance boasting releases from the likes of Kill Frenzy, Nick Monaco, Justin Martin, Yolanda Be Cool, and Will Clarke. Her status as a forward-thinking artist was clear.
 

That sense of sonic clarity however wasn’t reflected in their personal journeys. And as the pandemic eviscerated the chance of a certain future in the near term, they were both forced to reckon with an internal struggle that blossomed into two compelling stories that reflect the very foundation of dance music’s cultural beginnings. 


 

Both Worthy and Baby Weight came out as Trans. And while they may not be the first to be open and honest about their struggles and triumphs, they do serve as shining examples of how we can re-establish dance music as a safe space for those who feel like they are on the fringe.

Do you feel like, because you are part of the dance music community, you had kind of a safety net to fall back on when you came out?


Kristy: I wasn't sure what I was expecting when I came out. There was a deep fear that maybe this is gonna destroy my career in some way. And I think that fear just came from the repression that I felt all my life around this, hiding it from everybody. For me coming out was super scary. And I feel blessed to have come out and see the level of support that I've gotten. I feel blessed that I'm in this world, this dance music world that's so accepting and so loving, and I've never felt so much love before. I ended up here for a reason.




Cara: I was absolutely terrified. But ultimately, for me, I was pushed into the deep end by somebody on social media to kind of come out and I wouldn't change it in a million years, because I feel like it was the right kick in the ass to finally get me to kind of openly bleed or share that part of myself with the world. I would say that the response is not surprising from the community. Just because I feel like most people read me as a good person, and I'm a good person first, and transgender second.



Dance music was built on marginalized people, but the scene has changed. Do you feel like your story helps shine a light back on those who don't feel seen?


Kristy: I'm not sure if it has. I know my coming out process has definitely inspired a good amount of people to confront stuff within themselves, including a lot of people coming out as trans to me or queer and saying that my story helped them. 


Cara: The more that you have marginalized voices put in front of people that challenge their worldview, the more you get to normalizing those voices … It makes people more comfortable coming out … All the arrows point to this reality that trans people are part of the music industry. The conversation is not that there is a lack of trans voices. The conversation should really be, the trans voices are here, how do we get those voices shared to more people so that other individuals can feel comfortable enough to then say, ‘Yes, I want to be a part of the community because I see myself, I feel validated, I feel seen, and that there are other people like me in front of me doing the things that I want to do.’





What gives you the strength and courage to be so open and honest about your journey?


Cara: Christy makes me cry once a week at least with her social media posts. I’m legitimately tearing up sobbing seeing her journey. And knowing that she and I are on the same journey together—timeline-wise—gives me a lot of courage because we're going through the same things together. That's what keeps me going.


Kristy: I think it's because I was so closed off for so long that I feel like I need to let myself out there into the world. I know that by letting myself out there I’m helping others process their own journeys. It feels visceral. Like I have to do this. I want people to understand what the trans experience is and how difficult it is at times. But also, how happy it is at times. If I'm helping anybody else and come to terms with being transgender, that is everything for me. Being visible helps others so much.



When did you realize you were trans and when did you decide to be public about it?


Kristy: I realized I was most likely transgender in July of 2020. I was working through the feelings and internal struggle of coming to terms with being transgender into the fall, and I started HRT shortly after because I can sit in therapy for five years talking about this, or I can just get this new life started. Pretty quickly, I was on HRT. I shaved off my beard, [started] dressing a little bit differently, and I was just feeling hidden. It felt really weird to be in front of people and not be my authentic self. I was on a mushroom journey at the end of November and in that journey, it came to me that like “your next step is to come out. You need to come out to the world and shine your light.” 


Cara: I privately came out to myself about six years ago. I had the realization that was simmering under the surface at least since college. But I didn't feel safe coming out to my family. There was also this unfounded fear I had—and it sounds so terrible to say now in retrospect—but I was really afraid that if I had come out, and I was openly queer, that would somehow put me in a corner. And I didn't want to be limited in terms of the kind of shows I played, the kind of bookings I got. 






I came out to my partner in 2019 as non-binary but she knew that eventually, I would come out as full-blown trans. Not to say that identifying as non-binary is a steppingstone of some kind. I felt in my mind that maybe it might be easier transitionally if my family and my friends saw it. It was my intention to come out in 2020. This stranger on Facebook dug into my personal life and made some comments publicly on Facebook about me. I came out as a result of that. 




Kristy, How have you navigated the conversation with your daughter?


I think she had a little bit of a hard time with it at first. I remember she cried to me about me not being my old name anymore. 


I was talking to my ex, having these conversations about gender and this transition and what that entailed. And we would have these intense conversations and at times they would be outside someplace. And obviously, my daughter overheard us. And we were having dinner and my daughter is like, ‘Hey, wouldn't it be funny if daddy was a girl?’ And we were just like, ‘oh, crap.’


We were very honest with her. And she got it. And she understands. And she's been super supportive. She accepts me for who I am. And she's been one of my cheerleaders. And she calls me Mom, sometimes. It feels like she sees me. I was really depressed in my marriage and really cut off from everything that was going on around me. And so, she knows this is the right decision. And she is super supportive of it. And she just wants me to be happy. And I want her to be happy, too.



What is the most striking lesson that you've learned in your journey that you want to pass on to others?


Cara: I would just say the moment you come out publicly, things don't happen right away. And there's this idea that maybe the world all-of-a-sudden gets better, and in some ways it does. But you have to have patience, you have to have resilience. You have to understand that for some people that you're close to, they're losing someone that they've spent a good part of their life with. And for them, it may take some time to process the fact that you're still the same person.


Kristy: It’s taken me a while to learn this is [but] everybody's journey’s really different and you really can't compare where you are to somebody else. Hormones treat everybody differently. And just the process of it all is super individualized. It takes time and everybody moves differently, and you need to be patient with yourself. 



Worthy and Baby Weight Are Courageous Trans Voices 

United States

Mz Worthy

Slumberland

Avanti Palms Resort

OCHO Episode 12

A true veteran of dance music, Mz Worthy cut her teeth in Washington D.C and New York City before moving to the west coast and helping found the now iconic, Dirtybird brand. Coming up in New York City in the late 90s gave Worthy a unique opportunity to witness a new era of electronic music emerge. Legendary residencies inspired her to take up the art of DJing and producing. 

Worthy, Mz Worthy - Love & Give (Original Mix) [DIRTYBIRD]

“It was after I moved to New York… I was hanging outside my dorm room and some girls said they were going to a party down the street… I walked in there and it was like, what I had been looking for for a long time. This is the music I’ve been trying to find for a long time and I just didn’t know how to find it… Once I had that moment I was just like, what’s going on next week? It was just like an electronic music education in New York City. I was listening to house music, jungle, Drum n Bass…” 

After that breakthrough moment, Worthy devoted herself to learning the ins and outs of the scene. Her first night out in New York City was shared with her good friend, Justin Martin who became equally infatuated with the world of electronic music. The two of them got turntables and explored record stores, buying everything they could.

“We’d go record shopping together and buy the drum and bass records and we’d go back and just play records in my dorm room. We’d sit there and just kind of imagine that we were in front of a big crowd, pretending like we’re at Twilo, drinking 40s and smoking… Justin Martin moved out to San Francisco halfway through the year and it was a big reason as to why I made the move.”

Shortly after departing the east coast, Worthy linked back up with Justin and his brother Christian Martin. They befriended a guy named Barclay Crenshaw (now known as Claude VonStroke), and never looked back. Within a month or two of being out west, the group decided to start throwing parties. Even with their shared expertise, none of them envisioned a future with Dirtybird festivals when they had their first get-together. 

“Those first couple of parties, there were like 20 people, maybe 50 on a good day. I don’t think any of us had any idea that it would get to where it is today, you know, with a giant festival and parties all over the world… But it was exciting to just have a room and party with our friends.”

Eventually, the group began renting out spaces to ensure the party could be inside. They started doing some club dates and the brand began to grow organically. More and more people started to attend the events, leading to larger-scale shows and eventually the foundation of a label, music festival, and so much more.

Despite a tremendous amount of success in her career, Worthy found herself feeling increasingly unhappy as the years progressed. In 2020 she came out to the world as transgender and began transitioning. The decision gave Worthy a massive sense of relief and freedom, finally allowing herself to truly be the person that she always knew she was deep down inside. 

“It became really obvious that something was just not right in my life. Probably like six or seven years ago, I realized that there was something going on that was just not normal. It felt like I had this traumatic event that had happened to me in the past that I didn’t know about and was trying to figure out," she remembers. 

"The pandemic really gave me this opportunity to sit with myself more and explore myself. Being locked up and alone gave me the strength to explore dressing up, and talking about it with someone which ended up being my ex-wife. After discussing at length with her that I’ve always been doing this and felt this way, she said that I could be transgender. That was kind of all I needed to hear.” 

Those words of affirmation confirmed why she felt so conflicted about her gender identity. With renewed clarity, the idea of accepting her identity became a reality. She began transitioning and has since become a beacon of happiness and acceptance. Worthy also notes that the transition helped her take new steps musically. Not only is she free as a person, but she feels the confidence and strength to play any type of music while DJing, and explore a wide variety of sounds in her productions going forward.

“I think before there was kind of a wall in front of me that made connecting with the audience difficult… Now everything seems to flow smoothly. I think it’s a bit about finding myself, feeling confident again standing in front of people, and that parlays into feeling confidence in my track selection and not second guessing what I’m doing.”

Gray Area Spotlight: Mz Worthy

A true veteran of dance music, Mz Worthy cut her teeth in Washington D.C and New York City before moving to the west coast and helping found the now iconic, Dirtybird brand. Coming up in New York City in the late 90s gave Worthy a unique opportunity to witness a new era of electronic music emerge. Legendary residencies inspired her to take up the art of DJing and producing. 

Read the full Spotlight: https://grayarea.co/artists/mz-worthy

▪️Follow Mz Worthy▪️
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Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/artist/6AYgHoc0rxMltUiblsFc6c?si=X0LxNZbeQq2OatU-SwGUGQ
Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/worthy
Beatport - https://www.beatport.com/artist/worthy/20620

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Gray Area's mission is to build a bigger house music community in North America by helping fans discover exciting house music artists, event brands and festivals that are new to them. 

Timestamps:
00:00 - Intro
00:27 - Discovering electronic music in DC/NYC
04:20 - How the NY scene has changed
06:55 - Dirtybird
09:54 - Changes in demo submissions
11:38 - Inclusivity in the label space
14:25 - Being transgender
20:30 - Advice to those struggling with identity
22:19 - New music/sound
25:57 - Streaming during the pandemic
27:33 - Drum n bass & breakbeats
29:30 - Up & coming artists

#grayarea #mzworthy #housemusic

Gray Area Interview: Mz Worthy

A true veteran of dance music, Mz Worthy cut her teeth in Washington D.C and New York City before moving to the west coast and helping found the now iconic, Dirtybird brand. Coming up in New York City in the late 90s gave Worthy a unique opportunity to witness a new era of electronic music emerge. Legendary residencies inspired her to take up the art of DJing and producing. 

“It was after I moved to New York… I was hanging outside my dorm room and some girls said they were going to a party down the street… I walked in there and it was like, what I had been looking for for a long time. This is the music I’ve been trying to find for a long time and I just didn’t know how to find it… Once I had that moment I was just like, what’s going on next week? It was just like an electronic music education in New York City. I was listening to house music, jungle, Drum n Bass…” 







After that breakthrough moment, Worthy devoted herself to learning the ins and outs of the scene. Her first night out in New York City was shared with her good friend, Justin Martin who became equally infatuated with the world of electronic music. The two of them got turntables and explored record stores, buying everything they could.

“We’d go record shopping together and buy the drum and bass records and we’d go back and just play records in my dorm room. We’d sit there and just kind of imagine that we were in front of a big crowd, pretending like we’re at Twilo, drinking 40s and smoking… Justin Martin moved out to San Francisco halfway through the year and it was a big reason as to why I made the move.”

Shortly after departing the east coast, Worthy linked back up with Justin and his brother Christian Martin. They befriended a guy named Barclay Crenshaw (now known as Claude VonStroke), and never looked back. Within a month or two of being out west, the group decided to start throwing parties. Even with their shared expertise, none of them envisioned a future with Dirtybird festivals when they had their first get-together. 

“Those first couple of parties, there were like 20 people, maybe 50 on a good day. I don’t think any of us had any idea that it would get to where it is today, you know, with a giant festival and parties all over the world… But it was exciting to just have a room and party with our friends.”

Eventually, the group began renting out spaces to ensure the party could be inside. They started doing some club dates and the brand began to grow organically. More and more people started to attend the events, leading to larger-scale shows and eventually the foundation of a label, music festival, and so much more.

Despite a tremendous amount of success in her career, Worthy found herself feeling increasingly unhappy as the years progressed. In 2020 she came out to the world as transgender and began transitioning. The decision gave Worthy a massive sense of relief and freedom, finally allowing herself to truly be the person that she always knew she was deep down inside. 

“It became really obvious that something was just not right in my life. Probably like six or seven years ago, I realized that there was something going on that was just not normal. It felt like I had this traumatic event that had happened to me in the past that I didn’t know about and was trying to figure out," she remembers. 

"The pandemic really gave me this opportunity to sit with myself more and explore myself. Being locked up and alone gave me the strength to explore dressing up, and talking about it with someone which ended up being my ex-wife. After discussing at length with her that I’ve always been doing this and felt this way, she said that I could be transgender. That was kind of all I needed to hear.” 

Those words of affirmation confirmed why she felt so conflicted about her gender identity. With renewed clarity, the idea of accepting her identity became a reality. She began transitioning and has since become a beacon of happiness and acceptance. Worthy also notes that the transition helped her take new steps musically. Not only is she free as a person, but she feels the confidence and strength to play any type of music while DJing, and explore a wide variety of sounds in her productions going forward.

“I think before there was kind of a wall in front of me that made connecting with the audience difficult… Now everything seems to flow smoothly. I think it’s a bit about finding myself, feeling confident again standing in front of people, and that parlays into feeling confidence in my track selection and not second guessing what I’m doing.”



Mz Worthy

Articles

Alexander Dias